A Phone Call with My Autistic Brother

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If you’ve ever worried that your loved one’s repetitive behaviors or unconventional social style might limit their future, you’re not alone. I used to have those fears for my autistic brother, Milo. But my life with him has taught me a profound lesson about looking deeper.

I want to share a glimpse into our world—not to pathologize Milo’s behavior, but to reframe it. His way of communicating isn't lesser; it's just different, and within that difference, I've found a connection that has reshaped my entire understanding of what a meaningful life can be.

The Repetition Isn’t the Whole Story

My daily calls with Milo often follow the same pattern. He’ll call and share what’s on his mind—sometimes excitedly, sometimes anxiously—and once he’s expressed himself, there’s room for me to speak, if he’s in the right space to listen. To an outsider, these conversations might sound similar day to day, but I’ve learned that within that familiar structure, our connection thrives.

It’s easy to misinterpret his repetition as a deficit. But I’ve seen firsthand that for Milo, it provides comfort, order, and a sense of control in a world that can feel overwhelming. When I stopped focusing only on the way he was speaking and started listening for the meaning behind it, a whole new layer of our relationship opened up.

His Behavior Doesn’t Define His Potential

I am so proud of the life Milo has built for himself. He holds a job, navigates our community, and has meaningful relationships. His friendships may not look typical—they’re often with coworkers or our family—but they are real, and they are valued. If he calls you, it’s because you genuinely matter to him.

This is the most important reminder I can offer: those small, unusual behaviors you might notice don’t have to define your loved one’s entire future. Milo has learned socially acceptable ways to interact—like warmly welcoming guests at the restaurant where he works—even if his approach is uniquely his. He has become his own person, with a strong identity, clear desires, and his own dreams.

The Power of Acceptance, My Choice to Adapt

As his sister, I realized I had a choice: I could try to “correct” every atypical behavior, or I could focus on what truly matters—our connection, his safety, and his growth. I chose the latter. I engage with Milo on his terms. I celebrate what he shares, I gently redirect when needed, and I’ve let go of the pressure for him to conform to neurotypical standards of conversation.

I know that if I constantly corrected him—“Don’t talk like that,” “Ask about me,” “Stop repeating”—our relationship would wither. Instead, by accepting his communication style, I’ve kept the door wide open for trust, learning, and mutual respect.

Look Past the Surface—Build on Strengths

I understand the worry that comes with the behaviors we see on the surface. I’ve been there. But underneath them is a whole person, capable of building a life filled with purpose and connection. Our role isn’t to erase their differences, but to help them build a life where those differences are understood, accepted, and even embraced.

So the next time you hear a repeated phrase or see a ritual that seems limiting, I encourage you to pause. Look deeper. Ask yourself: What is this person trying to communicate? What brings them joy? What makes them feel safe? And how can I support them in becoming the fullest version of themselves—not a version that simply mirrors my own expectations?

Because my brother Milo has taught me that everyone—no matter how they speak, interact, or move through the world—deserves to be seen not for their behaviors, but for who they truly are.

Hear the full story on the podcast.