Playtime With Purpose
May 21, 2025
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We’ve all been there: sitting on the floor, surrounded by toys, feeling completely lost. You’ve heard the advice—“just play with them!”—but when you try, it feels pointless, boring, and utterly exhausting. If this resonates with you, you are not alone. I’ve been there too, struggling to connect with my son through play until a simple but profound shift changed everything.
I learned that the secret isn’t to play more or harder—it’s to play with intention.
The Shift That Changes Everything
For years, I approached play with a goal in mind: I wanted my son to talk, to engage, to hit a milestone. This mindset made every moment feel like a test, a “shot in the dark” that left us both frustrated. The breakthrough came when my mentor, Lynette Louise, shared this essential wisdom: “Don’t respond based on the goal you wish your child would reach. Respond based on what they're actually doing right now.”
When I stopped trying to lead him to a specific outcome and started genuinely responding to his glances, gestures, and actions in the moment, everything changed. Play stopped being a chore and became our most powerful tool for connection and growth.
Three Strategies to Transform Play from Draining to Dynamic
If play feels useless or you avoid it because it’s not working, you might not need new activities—you might just need a new perspective. Here are three ways to make play meaningful again.
- Become the Most Interesting “Toy” in the Room
It’s easy to feel rejected when your child prefers a screen over playing with you. Instead of getting frustrated, get magnetic. Use big emotions, silly voices, and spontaneity to make yourself irresistible. The goal is to be so engaging that your child needs you to continue the game.
If your child is glued to a screen, don’t fight it—join it. What are they watching? Get curious. If it’s basketball, Mario, or a music video, use that interest as your gateway. Watch it with them, talk about it, or even act it out. Try a “play and pause” game where you dance together and freeze when the music stops. By meeting them where their interest lies, you build a bridge to shared attention and real interaction.
- Play for the Life Lesson, Not the Milestone
One of the biggest reasons play feels draining is because we’re asking the wrong question. Instead of, “How can I make them talk?” try asking, “What life lesson is inside this moment?”
Shift your focus from specific skills to broader, more meaningful goals: turn-taking, calming down, making choices, or simply learning to communicate and bond. If your child loves basketball, you’re not just playing a game—you’re teaching them how to count scores, give compliments, or handle both winning and losing gracefully. When you play with a life lesson in mind, every moment becomes an opportunity for growth, and play suddenly feels purposeful.
- Feedback Fast, Feedback Positive
The brain learns fastest when feedback is immediate. Instead of waiting for a “big” achievement, catch the small wins right away. Did your child glance in your direction? Did they try to communicate, even without words? Celebrate it instantly with a cheerful “Yay!” or “Good job!”
This instant, positive praise wires the brain to connect action with reward, making your child more likely to try again. If you’re playing basketball and working on communication, praise them every time they count a score or say, “Good shot, Mom!” This quick, positive reinforcement not only accelerates learning but also makes the play session more dynamic and enjoyable for both of you. Being intentional with your feedback helps time fly and makes play feel productive rather than exhausting.
Play With Purpose, Not Pressure
If play has felt boring or ineffective, remember: you’re not broken. You were likely just playing without a clear direction. With these intentional strategies, you can transform playtime from a draining obligation into a joyful, connecting, and powerfully effective tool for your child’s development.
It’s not about pretending longer or playing harder—it’s about responding better, moment by moment. Trust that these small, intentional interactions add up, building not just skills, but confidence and connection that will last a lifetime.
Hear the full story on the podcast.
